At some point in our lives, we’ve all had to move into a new place—whether it was a college dorm, your first apartment, or even relocating with your parents to a new home. No matter the situation, we’ve all experienced the process of settling into a new space. Most often, we’ve moved into a place that’s been prepared for us: it’s clean, neat, with freshly painted walls and clean floors, whether carpet, tile, or hardwood. However, sometimes, we’ve encountered places that weren’t quite in the best shape when we moved in, and we had to put in a little work before it was truly ready. In some cases, we’ve seen spaces that were downright uninhabitable.
Now, let’s take that analogy and apply it to ourselves, especially when it comes to relationships. Ask yourself, “Am I move-in ready?”
The first question to ask is: what condition is your emotional and relational life in? Is it chaotic and messy, like a storm has just passed through? Or have you done the work to clean up and renovate your emotional space? Have you removed the emotional baggage, pain, and hurt, replacing them with fresh, new perspectives and healthy habits? In other words, have you fully healed and refreshed your heart and mind so that you’re ready for someone new?
The most important thing to remember is that in order to be “move-in ready” for a new relationship, your emotional space must be unoccupied. It’s nearly impossible to invite someone in when someone else’s emotional baggage is still lingering. Too often, we try to move into a space that someone else hasn’t fully vacated. In other cases, we’re ready to let someone new into our hearts, but we haven’t fully moved the previous person out.
Moving someone out doesn’t just mean removing their physical presence—it also means changing your mindset and emotions. It’s like changing the locks on the door to ensure they can’t come back in. You need to mentally and emotionally “lock the door” to that past person and prevent them from holding any more influence over you. This is essential for creating a truly fresh start.
Many people find themselves in what I call “partial occupation,” where they try to invite a new person into their life while the old emotional baggage is still present and potentially trying to creep back in. If you find yourself in this situation, it’s time to clean up and make your emotional space truly ready for a new chapter.
Another big issue is when (you) the owner had (or currently have) a tenant that left the property (relationship) in a horrible mess. It is so easy to place the blame and fault on the tenant (and maybe they are solely to blame), but that will not help you or your property get repaired! It doesn’t matter if your property was damaged or even partially destroyed by the last tenant, it is your responsibility to make sure your property is at least back to its original condition before you put your property (you) back on the market.
Think of it this way: if you were trying to sell a house, you wouldn’t leave it in a state of disrepair, expecting someone else to buy it. The same goes for your emotional life. If you want to invite someone new in, you need to make sure your “property” is in top condition. Do the work to heal, restore, and refresh so that when someone comes in, they’ll never know it had been damaged.